By Molly Connolly
As the holiday season runs its course, we see familiar scenes of warmth: being wrapped up in flannel and knit blankets, lilting melodies drifting through the air with warm sugar and spice scents swirling around us. We see friends and family gathered around tables filled with favorite foods as good conversation and love abounds. However, in those beautiful moments of fellowship and company, it can sometimes make the spaces once taken up by loved ones who aren’t with us anymore that much more obvious.
Grief in a season marketed on the basis of curating an exuberant display of joy, excitement and sociability can make an already incredibly complex experience that much more difficult to process. The ever-looming pressure to be a chipper Kris Kringle for Christmas can make the growing and groaning of grief feel Grinchy. If we’re lucky enough to not be the ones grieving, which can be complicated in its own right, seeing friends, family or loved ones in pain, being distant, or just not quite being themselves can be tense, awkward or even isolating, not just for us, but for all involved.
I want to encourage all of us to take those tense or awkward moments, or the moments where we feel alone in our grief, and embrace the heart of our hurt. When we are missing the loved ones we no longer gather with, I want us to reflect on the memories and traditions we had with them. Continue those traditions or make new ones in remembrance of them. Allow yourself to be sad, angry, and hurt when those feelings come up. You do not owe anyone the comfort of convenient emotions, and you deserve to feel fully and deeply in all circumstances.
For those who are not grieving but have someone close to us who is living with grief, don’t be afraid to be beside them at this time. Be a constant and supporting presence. Ask them about their lost loved one. Don’t force a silver lining, but give them a way to share the love they have for the person they are missing. In those moments we are given the bittersweet blessing of getting to share this love, and learn about the love we wouldn’t have been able to experience without that person.
There isn’t any right way to process loss and there isn’t a set way to support someone going through that process, but I urge each and every one of us to take those opportunities to grow closer together rather than to shy away from those “uncomfortable” or “inconvenient” emotions. Instead, embrace it all throughout the holiday season. Ways we can incorporate the grieving process can take a myriad of different forms, whether that’s trying to follow their famous cookie recipe, watching their favorite Christmas movie, singing along to their favorite seasonal songs, hanging up their stocking and filling it with some of their favorite snacks. Regardless of its form, let that love be lifted up in ways the season already encourages. Let laughter, tears, and everything in-between flow freely and make space for those feelings to be felt for those around you. ★
