If we could make it through life without any problems getting in the way, that would be great, wouldn’t it? As college students, we often deal with exams, difficult professors, and staying up until 2 A.M. cramming. In all of our lives, setbacks are bound to happen no matter how hard we try to avoid them. Whenever things get hectic, it’s easy to think that no one understands. We might think, “No one really cares.” More often than not, we feed these thoughts by focusing on certain people who we feel have let us down, but in a literal sense, we are expressing that we have no one in our lives who cares. This mindset is unhealthy because it alienates us from those who do care about us and can prevent us from growing in our ability to care and be cared for.
While it would be nice to have everyone that we want care about us, we can’t forget that we already have people that do. We have people who don’t always start a conversation with us, but keep us in their minds. Those who sit nearby and acknowledge us in some silent way. The friends that interact with us throughout our busy schedules. These are just a few of many people that care about us. We easily overlook them: strangers, friends, family, and even Jesus. Doing this may seem normal and not too harmful since most of it stays within the parameters of our minds, but there needs to be more consideration. If these caring people knew that we disregarded their efforts, they could end up just as hurt about their perceived incompetence as they would be about our struggles.
As human beings, most of our life experiences are seen through our own perspective, which is naturally somewhat self-centered. We believe that when something happens to us, people should notice and show us how much we mean to them. While it is normal and healthy to have these expectations, we have to realize that not everyone expresses their concern in the same way, and they shouldn’t be expected to either. We may perceive that someone does not care, when in fact they are simply expressing their care in a way that was not immediately apparent. Maybe they’re not good at giving advice, or perhaps cuddling and watching Netflix just isn’t their thing, but they’re really good at listening. The people in our lives really do care, even when they might not be able to understand or show it the way that we want.
Without us realizing it, our desires can head in a selfish and unhealthy direction. This way of thinking can lead us to turn our relationships from joyful bonds to unhealthy emotional dependence. It is our call, especially as Christians, to display discipleship and help one another through the challenges of life. However, there needs to be a balance between our well-being and the well-being of others. A negative mindset that overlooks the care of others hampers the purpose of God. We are sucked into a believing that we need to attain everything we want in order to be happy. Scripture contains plenty of stories of how God gives and takes from everyone’s lives, yet they remain humble and worship Him through every trial. Each person’s spiritual gifts are valuable for supporting other members of the body of Christ during times of trial.
A way that we can minimize the effects of self-centered thinking is by practicing thoughts of gratitude. We can express our thankfulness when we take the time to think about everything that has been done for us. We must approach these thoughts with caution; we should try not to resort to determining how much a person cares about us by measuring the amount of effort they should be putting into us. Instead, look at what we already have. The discipline of gratitude helps us appreciate what we have, even when it’s not perfect.
We can also look at the relationships we have in our lives. Sometimes, we find ourselves in toxic friendships that can cause us to think that no one cares. In this instance, we should find a way to leave these relationships and surround ourselves with people of good intentions. Finally, we need to remember that we can always turn to Christ. He died on the cross for our sins, and even though we still struggle with sin, He is forgiving. We might not always have Christ in thought when things get rough, but He always welcomes us to His love and guidance. Because of Christ, there is no struggle in which we are alone, and no situation in which no one cares for us.
Carrie is a sophomore majoring in psychology with a concentration in neuroscience.