Tag: sexual assault

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Sexual Security and a Bike Lock

In a recent interview with a senior at Stanford University, a key issue in the continuation of violence against women was revealed for the world to see.

“Some men feel that too much responsibility for preventing sexual assault has been put on their shoulders,” said the student, whose name does not deserve to be printed. “While everyone condemns sexual assault, there seems to be an assumption among female students that they shouldn’t have to protect themselves by avoiding drunkenness and other risky behaviors. Do I deserve to have my bike stolen if I leave it unlocked on the quad? We have to encourage people not to take on undue risk.” (Bloomberg)

WynnHortonQuoteFirst off, this opinion should not be generalized as the identifiable feeling of all collegiate aged men about women.  Seriously, this guy compares a woman’s sexual privacy to a bike on the quad – just violate it if you feel like it! I think that if this man is the best an Ivy-League school has to offer – we all have reason to seriously fear for the future of this country. Not all men (whilst conceding there certainly are some) are sexist, chauvinistic, rude, or the other usual condemnations associated with our sex.

However, the statement from this particular student does highlight one of the key issues at large in the battle to stop violence against women – we (men) are still failing to acknowledge our role in the situation at large.  Frat houses, for example, are notorious for their high statistics regarding rape and sexual assault. Yet they, and often their respective university presidents, fail to assign responsibility to the men, choosing instead to back up this ridiculous belief that women need to “just not go to the parties then.”  Along with these foolish ideas come phrases like: boys will be boys, men shouldn’t be expected to control themselves, she shouldn’t have been wearing that, etc.  All of which is trash.

It has been said a million times before and ignored – victims of sexual assault and rape should never be blamed for what happened to them.  I am a man and I am saying this, voicing my support for the reevaluation and reshaping of what it means to embrace masculinity in a modern culture for the sake of changing the status quo.

I do not think that men are designed in any way that could result in them being deemed as mindless brutes or animals.

I do not think that masculinity calls us to embody a sense of superiority over women.

I do not think that the responsibility to end violence against women and lead this world into a new realm of equality lies solely in the hands of women. We have a role to play as well!

So, men at Houghton, I challenge you – be respectful to the women you see everyday. Don’t catcall; don’t stare; set an example for your friends and be a role model at home for your brothers or friends. When a friend makes a sexist joke or comments about girls’ clothes or bodily features – shut him (or her) up! For those of you in relationships – think seriously about how you treat your girlfriends, fiancés, or wives. Do you actually believe that you have unfettered physical rights to her and can call upon them whenever the desire arises? You must be joking! What does that say about her dignity as a human being and her right to be respected? Try to introduce (if you’re in an existing relationship), or commit beforehand to, conversations in which you both agree on mutually self-giving expressions of affection. No-means-no implies the possibility for damaging action before actual communication.  Yes-means-yes (from both people) implies a shift in perspective, a conversation with tangible results that ranks respect for one another above personal desires.

Perhaps, in the age of one-night stands, online hookups, and 24-7 access to porn, masculinity has been too often characterized as a 6’2, macho and muscular sex machine who sleeps with women regardless of consequences and wears a phallic symbol on his sleeve (a.k.a. James Bond). If so, then now more than ever there must be a generation of men who spit in the face of Hollywood and strive to be something new. At the end of the day, you and you alone determine how you will act as a man in your friendships and relationships. I challenge you to set an example that emphasizes equality and embraces a new perspective. You can do it.

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Abortion: The Elephant in the Room

Abortion. The unspoken elephant in the room. We need to talk about this. We need to be proactive about addressing this issue.  Abortion is not going away. No amount of guilt-driven Facebook posts or verbal assaults of condemnation will ever end this injustice.

WebQuoteMost Christians can agree that abortion is immoral. But the way many Christians handle this issue is embarrassing.  A typical response is close-minded and shallow. If clarification is needed: I am a Christian. The reader needs to know that I have had experience with this issue. Unlike many, who voice their opinions, I know firsthand what it feels like to consider abortion. I was raped when I was eighteen. Put in context, I became a Christian two years later. But after the assault, I had a choice to make. I didn’t want to face the shame and consequences that accompany sexual assault.

After I became a Christian, one night at a worship service I felt a deep regret for the actions I chose in the aftermath of being raped. The message had nothing to do with abortion, but I left with a need to address the consequences of my actions. I decided to join a post-abortion Bible study at Carenet, a local crisis pregnancy center near my hometown.

The reason I bring this topic up is because I haven’t been able to avoid it in my private life. One night this summer, I was spending time with a good friend. The end of the night approached and I was driving her back home. She didn’t know about my past. Two minutes before we reached her house, she blurted out, “Abortion is murder! If I were raped tomorrow I still would never choose abortion!” I applaud her for her passion, but I couldn’t help but call her bluff. There is no way she could know what her response to being raped would be.

It seems to me that for abortion not to be a viable option for many women, there must be structural change in education and welfare. This could be approached in two phases. There needs to be greater efforts in prevention that would include improvements in education, self-defense, and building a more positive self-image in Christ. To clarify, I feel there is a lack of proper education about what abortion is and what other options there are to choose from in the event of an unexpected pregnancy. There is also a lack of instructing women that their worth does not come from men, but from God. I also feel strongly that there needs to be self-defense classes taught to girls in high school, so that in a time of need she is prepared to defend herself.

The second phase would be improvements in assistance to those women who have chosen to carry their child until full-term. If the woman was raped, she needs counseling. I commend the efforts that have been made to aid women. At Carenet if the woman, or a couple (men do come too!) goes through an education program they will end up with a special gift at the end, such as a stroller, car seat, or crib. Ministries like this are a great start to addressing this issue!
My last concern addresses a subtle trend that accompanies the issue of abortion as well as the issue of premarital sex. I am disgusted with the immediate “labels” people, including Christians, assign to women who choose abortion, as well as the label given to women who choose to carry to full-term but don’t have the father present. In these situations, women are either considered murderers or whores. It is a lose-lose situation. Is this anyway to talk about a person? I don’t think so. We need to think carefully about how quick we are to judge a person’s actions before we know the entire context.  We, as representatives of God, need to stand firm in our convictions; but at the same time, acknowledge that action is what brings about change. Our beliefs should drive our actions. Let’s bring glory to God and truly make an effort to end the global epidemic of abortion.

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Victim Blaming: A Cultural Dismissal of Rape

On Saturday I posted a Facebook status containing a mini-essay I’d found online comparing the victim-blaming attitude toward rape with getting your Rolex stolen and having the police ask, “Is it possible you wanted to be mugged?”  Moments after, a friend of mine shared the status.  A friend of hers posted a comment.  His first line? “I get tired of women and this rape issue.”

To the gentleman who posted that comment, I will make a valiant effort to ignore the inappropriate and offensive nature of your statement, and operate under the assumption that you are simply confused and ignorant.  I address the following to you, in an effort to help you and others like you understand the injustices that fuel those women who make you “tired.”

In Canada in 2011, a policeman suggested that to prevent rape, women should “avoid dressing like sluts.”  What resulted was the first ever SlutWalk.  Women (and men) congregated in the streets of Toronto in various states of undress to protest rape and victim-blaming.

In the Christian community, modesty is an issue of respect and accountability.  Purity is an important aspect of our faith.  We don’t want to make it difficult for one another.  However, if a man or woman is not dressing modestly, must they then expect to be raped?  Personal preference should not dictate how one human being treats another, and, in fact, it doesn’t.  Rape is more often a crime inspired by power than lust.  Any kind of person can be and has been raped: senior citizens, prostitutes, handicapped, men, children, women wearing old, baggy sweaters.  There are no exceptions and therefore no excuses for committing the act.  Blaming a woman for her choice of wardrobe is both discriminatory and irrelevant.

This attitude of blaming the victim is present in more ways than one when it comes to rape.  A few weeks ago, two high school footballers in Ohio were charged with the rape of a 16 year old girl.  The evidence included a full video of the event that had been posted to YouTube, and photographs circulated on Instagram of the two boys carrying the nude and unconscious girl.  Despite this, the defense lawyer insisted that the girl be referred to as the “accuser” rather than the victim.  This label calls to attention issues of communication, and in this area as well, victims of rape are often discredited.

My step-mother was asleep in her own home when she was attacked.  A knife was held to her neck and she was told that if she woke her children, they would be harmed.  And yet these were the questions she dealt with from the police: Why did you leave the door unlocked? Did you tell him you didn’t want him?  To me, these questions reveal a dangerous attitude toward the concepts of resistance and consent.  This man broke into her home and threatened the lives of her children.  How necessary was it, really, for her to inform him that, no, she would not like to have sex with him?

Rape outdoors is extremely rare; in fact, most rapes take place in the home of the victim or perpetrator.  In 75% of all rapes, the perpetrator is known to the victim.  So in almost every rape, the victim is in a safe place, with a person they feel comfortable around, or both.  They are not expecting an assault, and when it happens they are shocked, confused, and scared.  Admittedly it is important for the perpetrator to know whether his or her advances are welcome, but in extreme cases, the emphasis placed on resistance in order to obtain a conviction is unacceptable.

Courtesy of http://www.globalpost.com/
Courtesy of http://www.globalpost.com/

On top of these injustices, there is a general cultural dismissiveness toward rape.  Prevention responsibility is put entirely on potential victims.  Don’t wear this, don’t do that.  Where is the advice, Do not rape?  How is any victim supposed to muster the courage to report rape if they feel responsible?  Three of my close friends have been raped, and not one of them has reported it.  Two of them were under similar circumstances; they were unconscious, in their own rooms and of their own accord from either medicine or alcohol.  They woke after the act had been completed by an acquaintance that had snuck in.  United States Federal law defines rape as engaging in a sexual act by using force, causing harm, threatening, rendering unconscious or drugging.  Which of these categories do these girls fit into?  What skepticism would they encounter if they dared bring their stories to the police?

The gentleman on Facebook also expressed frustration with female-centered rape protest, pointing out that men also experience rape, and complaining that women seem to view all men as potential rapists.  On the first count he is entirely right.  According to the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN), 2.78 million American men have experienced rape, and their situations are also an example of the need for improvement in the way we handle rape.  Rape of men is classified as “sexual assault” rather than rape.  This, perhaps even more than discriminating legislation against women, reveals the chauvinistic nature of the judicial system.  Men are told, “You’re a man. You weren’t raped, you were assaulted.” This refusal to acknowledge what happened belittles the event and stunts healing.  Men should not feel marginalized or frustrated by the female campaign against rape.  They should join in wholeheartedly.

About 207,754 rapes occur annually.  RAINN states that 59% of rapes are never reported.  This means that the men and women in SlutWalk and in courtrooms are but a tiny percentage of those affected by rape.  It means that whether or not you have experienced rape, one or more people you know likely have.  Victims live their lives 6 times more prone to PTSD and 4 times more likely to contemplate suicide.  And out of every 100 rapes that occur, only 3 perpetrators will spend even a day in prison.

This is not an issue to grow tired of.  This is an ongoing abomination, a disgrace, and a call to arms.