By Anna Zimmerman
The word “perfect” can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people. A perfect Houghton could involve Perry’s ice cream and the soft serve machine returning to the dining hall (a noble wish). It could mean that classes are shorter or that Houghton would magically have a town around it (one with a movie theater, mall, and more food options). Both are understandable and have my full support. On a deeper note, it could mean that it would be a comfortable and safe place for people to express the things that they’re feeling and thinking.
While Houghton may say that conversations about tough issues are encouraged, I don’t think it’s fair or correct to say that everyone is welcome to ‘come as they are.’ I know of too many people who have come as they are and have been dismissed, harassed, or legitimately threatened because they voiced their opinions with which other people didn’t agree. If someone is willing to be open about something that is deeply personal to them, respect should be given. It can be so difficult to say something that you know will not entirely be understood by the people you’re talking to. If you’re being a listener and someone is telling you something personal, it’s so important to understand and value the position that they’re allowing you to be in. I’m absolutely not saying that you need to change your mind to agree with what someone’s telling you. What I am saying is this: you need to respect and care for your fellow human beings and make it known that you value and want a relationship with them, no matter the differences between you.
In May of 2021, I took a course called Bridging the Gap. This course focused on ‘bridging gaps’ between people from different backgrounds. It consisted of students from Houghton University’s main campus, Houghton’s Buffalo campus, and Ithaca College. There were students who had recently immigrated to the United States, as well as students who were born here. Everyone came to the class with different experiences and backgrounds, which is what I believe made the program so beautiful and impactful. Throughout the May term, we spent time learning how to talk to others about things that were important to us. Equally as important, we learned how to listen to others. In listening to others, we show respect and care. On the other hand, dismissing what someone says (either by ignoring or arguing against it) shows a lack of concern. In order to grow, I think it’s important to be able to listen to others and acknowledge that while what they’re sharing might not be something you agree with, they are fully loved, whether or not their views change or stay completely the same.
I believe that there is something so dangerous about purposefully surrounding yourself only with people who have the exact same beliefs and ideas as you. I did this for too long and would base my opinions of others solely on what I knew about our differences. While I wouldn’t completely cut off relationships with people who I knew had different beliefs than I did, I would hold back a bit and found myself developing expectations as to what I thought each person would (or wouldn’t) contribute to my personal growth. I’ve experienced the most growth when I’ve been willing to be with people who are different from me. When I surrounded myself in an echo chamber of sameness, I missed out on relationships with people who could’ve added so much wisdom and goodness to my life.
Over this past summer, I spent five weeks studying at Au Sable Environmental Institute in Michigan. Going into the program, I had thick walls up and thought that I was 100% correct in the way that I saw the world. I thought I knew what was right and wrong and that anybody who didn’t see things the same way was out of touch. Over that month of living in close proximity with one another (think: summer camp cabins with bunk beds and everyone eating dinner together at the same time every night), something in me changed. As more deep conversations were had in class, I became more willing to think about multiple points of view. After a weekend of camping, a friend and I ended up being together for the three-hour drive back to campus. This was a three-hour drive with someone who I thought I was incompatible with and would never understand. Those three hours were filled with so many important conversations. I opened up about some things I hadn’t even fully realized I was wrestling with. The response I was met with was both gentle and confident and truly made me examine myself and think deeply about things I hadn’t been willing to consider mere weeks ago.
My time at school in Michigan encouraged even the tough conversations with one another. It truly felt like we could bring all of ourselves to the table. Coming back to Houghton made me realize that it doesn’t feel like the same is possible here.
If we’re all living together here, why can’t we have as many open and honest conversations? Why can’t we listen to each other? Why do we have to jump to conclusions about people, and why do these conclusions (which are often wrong) impact how we interact with each other? How do we forget the command to love and care for one another as we do for ourselves? How do we let the gaps get so wide that they seem too inconvenient to try to cross? Instead of focusing on what divides us, we should recognize what we have in common and let even our differences bring us closer together.
A lot of the time, a “perfect” Houghton feels out of reach to me. But, I’m hopeful that if we all start to make continued efforts to not only speak about the uncomfortable things, but to listen to the uncomfortable things, we will be closer to the “perfect” Houghton than we’ve ever been. ★
