This weekend, 22 Houghton College students will travel to Camp Asbury in Silver Lake, NY, to attend the eighth annual Relationship Retreat. Dr. Bill Burrichter and Wendy Baxter of the Counseling Center will also attend with their spouses for the Friday evening and Saturday morning and afternoon sessions.
“The Relationship Retreat is funded by an anonymous grant,” Baxter stated, “which Houghton adds to. Students are also charged a small ($25) fee per couple.” The retreat is coordinated by the counseling center through the Center for Relationship Enrichment, which operates out of John Brown University in Arkansas. The program runs on a two year cycle, year one focusing on healthy communication and year two (this year) emphasizing conflict management. “It’s basically all communication, just different aspects of it. [The retreat] helps couples start off on the right foot instead of waiting until a marriage is in trouble,” Baxter added.
Burrichter and Baxter will help facilitate conversation and follow-up with groups during the retreat. The two mental-health professionals had different opinions on the most pressing challenges for new or young couples. Burrichter noted he has seen new couples that are “naïve…about what they are getting into. They tend to be blinded by the emotional experience [of a romantic relationship] or by lack of experience.” He continued, “A lot of times couples think ‘when we get married, this [problem] won’t happen,’ but annoying traits, addictive behaviors, and bad habits” still exist after marriage. Baxter felt communicating strong values and needs are often overlooked by young or new couples. “[New/young couples] tend to get caught up on superficial things,” she stated. Baxter expressed concern over this, because when communication is shallow, couples do not learn how to “talk about hard issues.” This is bad news in a culture where already “we don’t see good examples of commitment.”
Newly married student Brittany Peak ’16 feels “more and more young couples are accepted in our generation.” Peak and her husband, Jeremy, plan on attending the retreat this weekend, provided that Jeremy, who is in the U.S. armed forces, has no military obligations. “I love that the theme is conflict management” she said, “I hope that Jeremy and I learn skills and tools that we will think deeply about and remember for the times we will argue as a married couple. It is my desire to be in a healthy marriage so that our children have two parents who love them and each other very deeply.”
A seriously dating couple, Kayla Brophy ’17 and Andrew Montoro ’17 also plan to attend. Montoro first brought up the possibility of going on the retreat, thinking that participating “could be a good way to develop [their] relationship.”
Brophy felt that in her relationship with Montoro, striving for balance is the most important task, saying, “We’ve recently figured out that it’s good for us to do different things; it’s good to have
separate lives to a point.” Montoro agreed, adding that he feels couples who neglect their individuality are unhealthy.
The two believe that learning strategies of conflict management will help them meld their individual lives and aspirations cohesively. Montoro said, “Anyone you see every day can become a bit much. Obviously if you’re on your way to marriage, that time will come [so it is important for] each individual has a plan and a call. [A relationship] is about easing each person’s goals together.”
About a month following this weekend’s Relationship Retreat, all of the participating couples will be invited to go out on a “Great Date Night,” a follow-up to the program. The outing will include pizza and laser-tag, as well as a discussion led by Dean of the Chapel, Michael Jordan. Jordan is expected to discuss differing vocational goals within a marriage or serious relationship.