Coming out of a chapel led by a female professor last year I was surprised to overhear a male student comment, “I just find her brand of feminism to be so damaging to masculinity.” During the service the word feminism was not used once, and yet the student found the speaker’s worldview contradictory, I can only assume because she was a woman and had expressed egalitarian ideas. It was clear in his manner of speech that he thought the label feminist was somehow derogatory and that masculinity was a quality of unquestionable value and importance.
I have no intentions of going into the complexities of the term feminist and how it is perceived in Christian circles. Suffice it to say that despite the Wesleyan Church in particular’s progressive traditions and rich history of equal rights and female ordination, the Church as a whole has hit a fundamentalist wall of sorts, and no doubt the mentalities of many of you on campus lie somewhere in the realm of “Well I’m not a feminist, but…” Grapple with those paradoxes in your own time. At the moment, however, I would like to focus on the latter half of the student’s statement.
What is masculinity, what is femininity, and why do they seem to be so important to our student, and to the general Christian culture? Let’s say that by masculinity he meant all things stereotypically male—power, dominance, strength, football, chopping down trees in the forest—and their apparent priority in Christian life. Certainly the Church has worked to affirm traits such as bravery, leadership, and protective instincts. These qualities are vital for a healthy body of Christ, and it goes without saying that where there are leaders, there must be followers. However, it is backward and a mistake to label these qualities as hallmarks of masculinity and to associate them exclusively with males. They are hallmarks of authority, to be sure, but as they can be found in either sex equally, it is illogical to say that the goals of feminism or egalitarianism could in any way be “damaging to masculinity.” There is no such thing.
Language and instruction within the Church often rely heavily on traditional gender roles, but this is unnecessary. It is most noticeable in the way the Church talks about marriage. Marriage apparently will not work if men and women do not properly carry out their respective duties as dominant and submissive. It is true, marriage, and any kind of interpersonal relationship for that matter, will not work if the individuals involved do not find balance and fulfillment. Their personalities must complement each other. Christians value marriage because it is a mirror of God’s relationship with the Church, but demanding that in every case the male must be the driving force in the relationship, while the female acts as the support bar simply does not make sense. Spouses should support and encourage each other in accordance with their personal needs, not their type casted needs. Human beings are complex and possess unique personalities, and it is ludicrous to assert that they can be so cleanly divided into Type A and Type B based on solely on one difference. If you find yourself in a panic, wondering if an onslaught of gender equality is going to ruin your chances at a happy, healthy marriage, I may have some advice for you: don’t marry someone you are not compatible with.
It is understandable that people seek to find affirmation from others for their actions and behaviors, and for some, this is easily done by embracing the projected differences between men and women. Men who are naturally assertive and genuinely enjoy physical activity find satisfaction in the knowledge that others respect them for it. The same goes for women who are graceful, soft-spoken, and in their element while tending to the needs of others. These are admirable characteristics, to be sure. What does this mean, though, for the individuals who are not inclined to such pursuits? Are they doomed to be unappreciated simply because they work hard at and excel in areas not typically accorded to their sex? Rather than laud individuals for living up to their stereotypes, should we not be praising them for doing whatever it is they choose to do with integrity, passion, and skill, no matter their sex?
Affirmation should be sought on an interpersonal, day-to-day level, not from society as a whole. Freedom to be who you are is vitally important, especially within the Church, where we each have a distinct and essential role to play. And these roles should not be judged based on whether or not they perpetuate or breakdown stereotypes, because in a perfect world, no one would be able to tell the difference. After all, “There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male or female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus!” (Gal. 3:28)